Scene - And What It Means To The Rest of Us

Filed in How To's + Rants

First there was Emo. Now what does today’s America face in the world of fashion?

The answer is not The Scene Movement, because Scene is not just a fashion statement - it’s a way of life. (similar to The Hyphy Movement.) It consists of countless subcategories known as “subcultures” including indie, fasionxcore, and hardxcore (hxc). These subcultures are generally music-obsessed, and enjoy being loyal to a small family of bands until they become known, upon which they abandon them and embark on their never-ending search for an even obscurer band.

It is unknown when or where the origin of Scene began, but some reliable sources point to the theory of evolution, and that in a population there is bound to be self-loving, attention craving, circle-closers who adapt to the environment by clinging together at local concerts and on myspace while attempting to ridicule those that are not scene. (which, suprisingly, is a vastly higher majority.) They practice “being cocky” regularly, and because of this, Scene should never be confused with Emo. We all know that being Emo consists of…well…being emotional. Scene people are too full of themselves to inflict pain upon their plastic jewelry wearing wrists.

Most of these subcultures are destructive to the community, but the purpose of this article is not to bash them, but to enrich the reader’s knowledge of the Scene movement, so he or she can prepare ahead of time to combat these parasites by deflating or eliminating their gargantuan ego.

Part One - Identifying the Scenester

If you are a fairly normal person, the first time you meet someone will be either at school, a party, or over myspace. Scenesters generally act the same at schools or at parties. The first thing you probably will notice about him/her is his/her style of dress. This diagram below will explain exactly what to look for in a typical scenester.

fig. 1-1

Occasionally, a scenester will become so self-absorbed that he will not care for old band tshirts, instead sporting an Argyle sweater, or an even more oldschool tshirt, such as ones with faded pictures of superheroes or dinosaurs on it. A popular scene tshirt sporting a stegosaurus that says “All my friends are dead,” is a key notifier that you are looking at a Scenester.

fig. 1-2

Notice, just because he dresses Scene does not make him scene. He could be a poser, who is someone who wishes to be scene but doesn’t have enough self confidence to, which brings me to my next point. Observe his body language. Is he constantly trying (pathetically or successfully, depending on the coolness of the crowd) to get attention? Is there a sort of arrogant stride to his walk? Does he slouch (or attempt to, in his inhumanly-tight jeans) as if he owns you and everybody else when he sits? Does he make fun of other people and excessively use words such as “legit” “nubbice” and “stafu”? Congratulations, you have just met a hardxcore scenester in real life.

The other way to meet a scenester is over the internet - more specifically - Myspace.com. (If you clicked on that link involuntarily, you are addicted. Go get help. The first stage is denial.) Naturally, scenesters are obsessed with taking pictures of themselves. More specifically, from weird angles and/or against a bathroom mirror. Below is an example of a typical Scene myspace “pic”.

fig. 1-3

When scenesters are not taking pictures of themselves, they are taking pictures of their environment, uploading them as washed-up, over-saturated pseudo-art, while trying to get others’ attention and approval all the same. Listen to their profile music. Is the vocalist a whiner? Is it either loud or acousticy? The person is Scene, so do not add him. Ever.

Part Two - Assessing the Theat

So now you are standing face-to-face with a bloodsucking scenester. What do you do?

Let’s start off with what you shouldn’t do:

-Don’t complement him. He will automatically assume you are conquered material and will treat you like trash.
-Don’t laugh at his jokes, even if they aren’t at your expense. Instead, grimace at them and lay it on the line that he is a douche bag.
-Never bring up music as a topic. He will go on a long rant about how your favorite band is a sellout and your taste in music is disgusting.
-Avoid being around him and a girl at the same time because he will do everything in his power to make you look like a moron in front of her.
-Although scenesters are typically scrawny little kids who thing they have “guns”, they can fight pretty well. Unless you know you can win, don’t assault one. Have you ever seen a hardxcore dance? That’s how they fight, too.

[googlevideo]4889956098369270405[/googlevideo]

This is what you should do:
-Act like what he’s telling you is unbearably boring, but do it in a friendly way.
-Wait quietly until he says something mean to you without being provoked. Then give him verbal hell.
-Make fun of him. (i.e. how tight his friggin jeans are.) By damaging his ultra-ego you are taking his power away, thus making the world a better place.
-Simply excuse yourself politely, turn around, and make a gagging noise.
-Laugh at his expense.
-Tell him he’s scene.

fig. 1-4

So there you have it. Now you will probably be able to pick out the scenester in any crowd. It is your duty to bring them to justice. Go out there, and flatten some damn egos!

Happy Scene-hunting!

by David Hollin

I tagged this entry with the following words: